so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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