hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
