she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
