go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
