i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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