If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
