im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
