We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
