I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
