i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
