Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
