I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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