I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ketchup is God's man juice
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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