Just cropdusted the office
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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