do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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