i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
