Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
