I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
