Someone shit on the floor
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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