im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
