my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
