So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I need to stop coming to work sober
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
