i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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