Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
