Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am available for nakedness
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
