whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
