Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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