I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
