At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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