I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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