The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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