Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
