Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
