i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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