false alarm. still invincible.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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