he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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