Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
