walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
