I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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