There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
