His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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