Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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