oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
