I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
