I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
