Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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