After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
