His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
