there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
