i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
