I think I am morally bankrupt
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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