well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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