is your mom at the bar?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
