I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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