all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
