Sponge bath it is.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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