dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
