I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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