I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
