My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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