I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
youre lurking in front of me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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