I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
