if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
