I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
