I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
