Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
