Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
