He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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