i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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