I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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