Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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