I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
