When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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