You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
