When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
