I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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